I blew it in the affective area

I blew it in the affective area

It was nearing the mid quarter of my semester student teaching at an inner city high school magnet high school of very modern design well lighted interior; no outside view for the most part; good in sports and drama. Carol Channing, Josh Hartnett are products of the theatre department. I once witnessed Jody Foster speaking to students in the library after the release of Silence of the Lambs.

In literature class; one of my students who I assumed was one of the well behaved, moderate students ‘I didn’t have to worry; that were on the right path; not needful’ without noticeably poor grades -was called to my attention by Dan Kruger practice teaching supervisor whose class I was teaching: I looked at it as a performance: there would be some waivers of attention, occasional hecklers. Dan had a striking appearance because he had lost his arm in the ringer of his mom’s washing machine as a child; extremely intelligent with horn rimmed glasses he removed when reading while standing all in all representing a strange image when he read poetry in front of the class.

No I wasn’t watching the kid closesly: did I have to? Yes. And of course he was right; I began to observe the strange behavior immediately of the student in question engaged in some unusual activity; a white male quiet good looking kid 6’1 185 , cost cutter haircut, shaped like a small forward, he often wore knit black and white shirts with wide vertical stripes, and panels outwardly Jared appeared to fit in with his mates; why wouldn’t he on the surface he appeared to have the whole ‘teen’ package. Frankly I never noticed anything but the role he played I assumed he was in with the in crowd.

On the day of the peculiar aberration I observed a strange phenomenon; as I looked up from grading quizzes at my desk in the front of the room, Jared was quietly inconspicuously ‘tip toing’ around the room circling adroitly appearing to be an observer among the workgroups, between desks moving in a spiral pattern and presumably had been since I commenced the lesson ten minutes before. I didn’t recall reading his paper by the way. As I thought of it I actually I had very few assignments from Jared W__ maintaining a B- at the median of the class I recalled as I got up silently and walked over next Jared who didn’t seem to notice who I had never spoken to, or heard a word from, or said a word to another classmate; at that moment I knew what I had been missing what Krug been trying to teach me besides my lessons that were not the world’s most compelling. I realized that. My reservoir was running thin: at least they were using the same textbooks we used in high school I was already familiar with. Lessons were easy to create compared to a plan for a novel. Songs for a gig. Individual practice. I admired that part of the job; once bringing in one of my pastoral videos: the class liked but Krug questioned referring it to Mr Malmberg award winning music director for objectionable content: he okayed it.

I edged up to the student ‘hey Jared, what’s going on man are you all right? I said at low volume; his eyes were a bit glazed not focusing on me in particular like I came out of nowhere he didn’t answer immediately youth drifting around as I followed him like one of his buddies he never had in that classroom with no particular place to go, nothing to get hung upon…like ‘hello’. Are you okay Jared, oh he nods he heard me but didn’t stop interupting his circling stopping his walk in the class to talk about it; I he pointed to his lips shush! Someone said. Let’s not discuss anything within earshot of the workgroups we were circling among; in my well ordered classroom. I kept following him; no one noticed as this went on five minutes; it seemed. my patience ran thin: Suddenly desperate at the spectacle that was imminent: I spoke too soon, tactlessly: didn’t your dad ever teach you how to act around, your home, your friends, people, crude, untactful not meaning to be mean concerned really for Jared’s stability, the order of class, decorum of English Literature 12. Trifles.

Jared was tough as I knew he was I don’t have a Dad he stated matter of factly. Oh Christ was I that stupid blind again with these kids who were a hell of a lot sharper than me about the trip they were on; I wanted to be there (no I would never go back) where I had never been there done that but couldn’t approach the territory. He appreciated my effort thank you. The kid had class, making another mistake and I didn’t know how to handle the deal of the generation gap I remember vaguely reacting to it: but I had some safety: great parents, and a comfortable life, sports, class activities, officer I don’t say how irrelevant that is.
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I just wanted to see if you’re alright; we can go to the nurse’s office No I’m okay (just leave me alone, thanks just back off). No one noticed but me and him. It didn’t seem like his behavior indicated everything was ‘okay”: it could have been worse. The kid could have kicked my ass in flash. I noticed too late, not to worry though none of the workgroups paid any attention to the dialogue. It was my convenient contingency to behave my 35 student class break that created the havoc out in to work groups who ere absorbed in their projects sure they were with; he wasn’t a part of I never noticed.. Didn’t you sign up for a group.? Yes I was in group 4 but they split up. We walk around the groups observing ourselves. None of the groups were opening their tight knit circles to let Jared even into the discussion he didn’t want to be in, 15 minutes passed work group exercise timed out; Jared never had and had effectively dodged , had never been in. I was the idiot and never recognized the drama; even commander Kruger noticed it issuing warnings several times. I wasn’t observing, recording, monitoring or keeping track of student behavior; I graded their papers, scored their test papers I entertained them with the students seemed to enjoy. Jared held a B- on exams and a C+ in writing. He should have been in drama. We didn’t learn this skill at St. Thomas. I didn’t have the background to teach that subject. Jared acted his part perfectly I just blew his cover as a kind of phantom of the classroom. How many times had it happened? At least once a week; in partnership. He didn’t fit in I didn’t get it right then either. You don’t have to hang out in class if you don’t feel like it; he took the opportunity and instantly disappeared exit stage left. A latent Bartleby the Scrivner a character becoming more familiar all the time.

Later in the day at Dan’s weekly critique of my performance, I asked about Jared’s ‘affective learning’: Kruger told me Jared’s father was in prison for violent crimes against society and property; a baad dude; or the fishing hat bandit? I wondered. Jared’s parents were divorced; had been estranged his whole education: he was like this in other classes. this weird behavior experience at South this was nothing unusual.. As time went on it became apparent to me I had no skills in attention deficit therapy including my own. My review was the usual dudgeon report: in other words who did I think was listening to my idiosyncratic lesson about the pastoral theme in Lycidas and its failure to maintain the interest of the class.and so on: Krug was just being brutally honest about irregularities in the system; doing me a favor.


Pet store story: They’re just little bugs but they love my blood, a lyric

Here we were ten minutes before 10 you said it opened at 9 my mistake sorry I’m a little edgy with the disease, eating our White Castle breakfasts, parked in front before Bills Unique Pets: her friend recommended while I am indifferent as a confirmed cat lover. Her friend owns Sue’s Clippe Shop on White Bear Chera shampoos poodles occasionally. I was along for company and no impact on the decision to buy a rather spendy Yorkshire toy (if she had to, if there were no beagles my recommendation), spaniel, lab, retriever work dogs and a few others; I wander among some somber parakeets and a born ham cockatoo in an open corner cage, tip toeing on his balance bar, entertained me while Chera who hated birds explored the store– now that bird is my kind of low maintenance pet I thought. Giving me an impression. I yawned Obviously smarter than humans who have no idea how to act; he has the old dog and pony show down There is no argument I just don’t want another one of her damn pets wedging between us on the sofa as we watch the discovery channel after I dig her garden.. I only like Bassets or Beagles: nice serious temperament not hyper no other breed pleases. How about a nice pit bull Doberman combo? My ideal pet would have human qualities and a tremendous nose. That’s why I’m along as an inspector general of the olfactory evaluation department; and to carry on a modern conversation about all kinds of trivia with a female I am once attracted to, interrupting;, stopping, asking, arguing and so on with the main topic being dogs.

Once inside we are separated in different zones. A huge gray Angora on the east wall ignored me obviously, bored. She’s not going anywhere. Remain an old maid for all I care. Cute tan retriever puppies (hah! terrorists all) forget hunting they make tremendous watchdogs, they’ll secure that perimeter around your mobile home out in the boonies that you say the sheriff’s kid has been creeping around, trying to catch a peek under the shades: she has none. I drift around the cages…doing some window peeking: Yes I am really worried for your security. Just a suggestion! I’m a cat lover; anything but one of those damn Westheimer terriers that tries to protect you/her from me. They have good noses too she affirms. Not again. She needed a break from sign language classes something to re ignite waning passion; what ever happened to a little wine a little song but this would be a night dedicated to gathering information on the Internet; wow. give Chera something to do in the public interest; capitalize on the epidemic: of bugs sweeping the country like a plague. A new business opportunity. Chera was looking at the cages. Don’t ever stick your fingers in a mink cage: I warn having done that once: Never saw an animal move so fast to bite a finger tip bloody. Chera was good with animals except cats like the one she gave me [“Sly”] on my birthday that clawed her knuckle eventually. Ouch! She yelled hating cats more. Sly ran away disappeared into one dark night.

“Which one has the best nose of the bunch she queried Bill (?) Chera was looking for something in a rather unique bed bug detecting canine [ BDC] caninus rex line if they had one; but the unmentionable subject itself of the dull honeysuckle stench eventually of dried blood, feces they leave behind after a blood feast: never mentioned; not letting him know yet if at all if she can help it she was seeking a “cimex horribilis” hunting pooch who would be a companion as well: she hated being alone; she was more alone when Roy was around; the little huntress like a predator drone would find and destroy [that story later] hunt small beasts the density, color, look of dirty mud before and blood after biting; the size of a match head and a sting to match; “That’s a no brainer lady you need my own little girl I have her in my office today because it’s so cool in the shop today; some like it that way. She sleep in there; doesn’t need cage. I’ll bring her out: a cute little Yorkie with eyes the velvety softness of a gazelle.

Oh he’s not the usual Yorkshire Terrier toy Chera reports ‘live’; no she is bluish grey but pretty reddish brown with a pooch cut: very nice female to hang out with; looking every bit the pup as she was a miniature; with paper pedigrees to prove it. On sale this week only. Bill from Eastern Europe assured us that is why she is unique; but with the specific feature we needed excellent olfactory skills to boot. Yes this is my little prize Gloria: She is spoiled. Chera accepts her from Bill hugs her; Gloria is compliant in her role; knows how to be accepted she’s a little older than she looks says Bill as she’s a miniature but she smells as well as any Bloodhound; more high tech compact size. Chera thinks. She can tell if I have her frisky treats buried in the freezer you know that’s unique; and smart this little princess can read me the paper as well as carry it like a bone; she leads me around the store knows all the animals it they need anything; the parakeets love her. Cockatoo Phil talks to her too; she has a growl like a St. Bernard to boot; a lot cheaper than a bloodhound at $1400 I’s let her go for twelve. Your can’t touch a hound for less than $4500 some go as high as $35 G’s you did say miniature, half price pedigree: she won’t get much bigger than this; ’ll give you a deal at $1250 I could have sold her for lot mores; Chera imagines being the parent of a bomb sniffing dog for Afghanistan service someday; not so good with kids an adult dog. she is my constant companion in the store; but I know you are good people and will give her a nice home. He doesn’t live with me. No?I thought he was your husband Nope. I realize and accept why we hit the castle breakfast special.

Chera is delighted with her purchase: another Westy could cost $750 and not have the pedigrees the guaranteed nose ; Gloria is cuter and will stay cute, soft silky fur, Sue Knox can clip it perfectly; I can see her with a pink bow; not that horrible gray wire she was used to scratching through that could snap a finger nail; and now she has the kind of child she wants again each little pup represents a member of the little tea party family cycle she imagines herself mother superior of; little Gloria fulfills her needs for her motherly instinct to emerge for a season; to be the mother she thought she was who has never wanted to have kids; she has no regrets at her decision at moments like this. I am there to record the moment like a barometer needle recording the pressures. And there have been a number of them; out with the old in comes the new. Chera will now train little Glow with the small lazy Susan type gadget tray 14” in diameter at $125 bucks purchased on the Internet what first appears a three dollar plastic toy; to start a new business in pest control management: raise dogs for the work like border collies. Florence Nightengale type community service someday in the future: perhaps e a stamp someday in honor of the work. A TV series based on Lassie come home.. Gloria loves her new role sniffing around the circular shelf gizmo; the contraption that revolves if necessary by a remote control battery pack optional; we don’t need that Glow can circle and sniff around the 14 inch platter of cimex mixed bugs and treats, treats alone, various combo platters of goodies to sniff, a wonderful new game for Glow. they say on the Web the thing will ‘help’ destroy the filthy ‘cimex horribilis’ invaders from Yacnor that cause millions of dollars damage in apartments nationwide; worldwide: we’re taking this all the way to Washington’s bedroom backed by Gloria’s nose or a money back guarantee with a ten dollar rebate. For further information contact: IFC “Pest Management Solutions”, www. indfumco.com, (800) 477-4432; they offer a nifty unit that will heat your business, office, home to 140 F for six hours that will fry any living bug for $60K; pick up your new business today the plague is all over the place. I understand completely why Chera treated at White Castle instead of Denny’s down Central for keeping her company. For my approval. It’s not a beagle but it’s not baad.

Exercise 44: What happened?

1. In Family Heirlooms the central character discovers that he has been the subject of his own mind nature hare/rabbit trip when he finds tracks at the exact spot of the dream; (there are number of what if’s in the story as in the others below)

2. In Dad’s Watch the main character discovers he has lost his father’s priceless
watch:; struggles to reveal the loss; if he hadn’t done it things would have been
A lot worse. It would have been a premature death for his father an example of
the mindless grief children put on their parents over small objects, later trifles, trivia

3. In the Emerald necklace the naïve protagonist 3.7 year old grandson inadvertently decides to use grandma’s sacred Holy Rosary as a necklace on Easter Sunday: Grandma went apoplectic: revealing a hidden, loyalty, volatility:

4 In Deja vu all over again; the “I” person has a conversation within a scene within a dream with a dead guy, that clears his mind: he decides to carry on with the wayward son his client is still a long way from Kansas; realizing the case has deeper levels of meaning, destiny fate than he suspected; as in second analogous District game his senior year another unexpected team loss; foreboding irony about how this district appeal is going to turn out: this court will approach Supreme court hello Scalia justice.

5. In the Friday Night Lights story of the homecoming game return for the last loser coach Ted M__ who the football player despises. He is a play maker and is used to being one. Had been there much longer than Ted ever thought about being; hated him for it and held him back Come on he’s only a kid seventeen. It came down to one play to determine a winning or losing season and continuing a 14 year losing streak: if the central character (like in Eighty Yard Run) doesn’t make the play the traditional rivals get a critical game winning first down inside the red zone: tie the score win it on an extra point with 10 seconds to go: the ex-coach fulfills his destiny wants to see his old team lose to prove they were not good enough and that -not his inability to coach is the real reason why, he had to move on by mutual agreement. But the nascent coach’s will was not to be fulfilled; people in life sometimes are like this guy I remind us-we writers we have to define them they become our property; we manipulate them; we get some pay back like in Bukowski’s stories (Barfly with Mickey Rourke & Faye Dunaway) for the beating we take as artists, teachers, coaches; intercepting Will Weaver's wounded ducks; this was a natural selection of the high school jock mind nature club with a splash of irony; that the clumsy fullback for the Blackjacks rolled out of bounds at Ted M__’s feet taking a big loss on fourth and 1; after that play the home team took over the ball in front of the ex-coach; and snapped the 14 year losing streak; this is one of those stories that gets better with age.